bumps in the road

i'm feeling a little run down lately. i'm doing well at work, at school, and at other work, but i'm tired. i'm tired because, well, i have work, school, and other work. see how that is too many things? i know, mama, i know. i am predictable with the over-committing. :)

for once i have managed to avoid completely overwhelming myself. i'm handling everything and it's fine but i could definitely use a few more hours in my day. hours to get stuff done or study or sit and look at my future husband and just appreciate life.

other days, like yesterday, i want the day to end at 6pm. 6pm so i can just go home and go to bed as soon as it is dark outside. asher was having a tough day too, so we were happy to go home to santa cruz and spend a few more hours working and studying until we collapsed. we stopped at our favorite indian restaurant to pick up some food and then headed home. we were stopped at a red light when asher looked in the rear-view mirror and made a noise like, "aahhhhh...."

as in, "aahhhh... that person is NOT stopping". and then, BOOM! we got rear-ended. it was one of those confusing moments where i wasn't quite sure what had happened but i knew it was something i was not excited about.

oh wait, did i mention the truck broke down last month, so we have been driving the little tiny car?

oh wait, did i also mention that the little tiny car needed work done so we left it in asher's mom's garage and borrowed *her* little tiny car? the cute, fancy one?

yeah. we got rear-ended in asher's mom's car. :(

the woman who hit us was really nice and apologetic and had just finished working a 12 hour shift. as a doctor. at a women's health clinic in downtown santa cruz. naturally, she was adorable. we were very nice to each other and exchanged information and went on with our lives. everyone was ok except the cars but that's why we all have insurance, right?


i can't help but feel like it was a glimpse into some alternate future of myself. for so much of my life i pictured my future as her life. i wanted so much to be a doctor in a women's health clinic in a place like santa cruz. i wanted to work long days until i was exhausted because i thought it was the only way i would find peace and be fulfilled. and i think it's just beginning to dawn on me that my future might be different. i'm not sure what it will be, but it isn't narrowed down to just that option. i have so many different things i can do, so many different ways i can be myself without basing who i am on a job title.

who knows, i may still end up as an exhausted doctor in a women's health clinic. i would be honored. but at least i'll have gotten there by exploring who i am and figuring out what i really want in this world.

until then, life continues to be an adventure.