music and writing

hm... writing is difficult. i seem to have forgotten how to do it. i can write you a lovely scholarly paper in APA format. that i can do. i'm even taking an incredibly tedious course to improve my ability to do just that. i know *everything* about levels of headings. just ask. (or don't). and i can cite references with the best of 'em.

writing about myself, however, is much more difficult. i'm not sure where that place is. that place where i'm not treating this blog like a therapist, or a journal, or a friend, but rather a combination of all of those things, and none of those things. a place where i write when i'm confused, or intrigued, or excited, and not just when i'm depressed.

well, it's a work in progress.

i think music will help. i had forgotten about music, for a while. it's around me. it plays in cars and supermarkets and the occasional awkward elevator. the kids at work play pop culture mash-ups at ear splitting volumes (i never thought i'd feel so OLD at 23). i stopped listening to *my* music, though. i spend most of my time on the bus, at work, or in classes. i no longer drive around singing at the top of my lungs. i left my ipod at home for months.

then pandora happened. it is waking me up again. i forget how much music connects me with my own emotions. sounds and lyrics push my emotions forward and make me deal with them. sometimes i feel a little manipulated by music, but mostly i think it's healthy. i spend too much time pushing down my emotions, even these days when i'm so much healthier and happier than i've ever been.

i love the concept of pandora. i've never been good at picking my own music. i just know there are certain sounds that speak to me. pandora helps me find more of those sounds. it's music fused with an almost scientific organization system. i love it. it intrigues me and introduces me to new music and lets me guide it in the direction i'm feeling.

so... that's the plan. listen to music. write. be a more balanced person.

wish me luck :)