living my life one city at a time

this sad day

2011-09-11T15:09:00.000-07:00

Thank you to those of you who are able to express sadness and loss on this day, without oppressing others in turn.

This day is sad in so many ways, but my heart aches the most for the hate that has too often replaced authentic grief. I am devastated by how many of today's newscasts, headlines, and status updates contain racism, islamophobia, and hateful nationalism.

I deeply resent the fact that people (including myself) are labeled as un-American or un-patriotic when they express feelings or beliefs about this country's flaws. Ultimately, everything is flawed, but this country is my context and is therefore the main site of my dissent and my struggle for justice. I work to understand the many ways in which I have unearned privilege, and with it I share my beliefs and engage in activism with some degree of safety and freedom. I am aware that not everyone has this privilege. Some have said this should make me proud to be an American. It makes me angry. Safety and freedom should not be left to a bet that is won or lost based on geographical or social location of birth. Safety and freedom should not be stolen or purchased at the expense of any other community’s safety or freedom.

It is because I believe in the ability of humans to love that I am critical of our ability to hate.

This is where my mind is today: 1700% Project: Mistaken for Muslim. Kudos to artist Anida Yoeu Ali and filmmaker Masahiro Sugano for this piece, which includes portraits of American Muslims in Chicago, people who refuse to end in violence. (Thanks to my brother for sharing this back in June).

Also, check out The 1700% Project.
The number 1700% refers to the exponential percentage increase of hate crimes against Arabs, Muslims and those perceived to be Arab or Muslim since the events of September 11, 2001.

I hope we can grieve and mourn today, but ultimately love one another and embrace our humanity. We do terrible things when we are motivated by hate and fear. We can do great things when we are motivated by love.

fragility

2011-07-24T17:43:00.001-07:00

I feel so fragile, sometimes.

I start to write, here or somewhere else, about LGBTQ rights, or public health, or social justice, and then I think: how do I do justice to this concept I am passionate about without alienating people I care about, or burning myself out, or opening myself up to arguments that I feel too vulnerable to engage in? So then I don't write, and then I silently curse myself for being so fragile.

These are conversations I engage in at school, at work, and in my life, but for some reason writing them down always seems scary. Partially because in person I can stumble my way through a conversation with some degree of grace and ability to articulate, but in writing the words always seem locked down, too permanent. Also, people can be mean in writing (and on the internet). People can be mean in person, too, but the words don't linger with the same harshness and permanence.

So then I don't write at all, and it makes me feel like there are pieces of me floating around that need to be written down and aren't, so maybe they float away and I lose them completely, or maybe they bounce around inside me creating little internal bruises until I'm too tired to do the work I love, or to love the people in my life they way they deserve to be loved. And I feel like some of the people who aren't in my daily life, but are nonetheless important to me, don't really know me at all because I'm too fragile to put myself out there.

And then I think: I'm alive, and I'm living a life I love, and I'm doing work I'm passionate about, and I have amazing friends, family, and chosen/created family. So maybe I'm not as fragile as I think I am. Or maybe being fragile isn't such a bad thing. I just need to find balance.

2010 in a nutshell

2010-12-17T11:11:00.000-08:00

2010. Several new lives came into the world and some lovely folks left it too soon. I connected with amazing people and feel proud to be in public health. I missed friends and made new ones. I married the love of my life in the presence of our friends and family. I finally have power over my depression instead of it having power over me. I'm hoping for a 2011 full of just as much joy and a little less sorrow.

Perhaps next year I'll get motivated and update my blog more than twice in twelve months :)

Love to you all.

RIP Albert Cobarrubias

2010-01-25T22:31:00.000-08:00

A fellow activist and SJSU graduate was murdered this weekend.

San Jose: Victim in fatal shooting was SJSU grad, aspired to be lawyer

Here is my comment from the article in the Mercury News... some of the other comments were sad but not surprising responses to his murder. We have a lot of work to do, people.

"Albert was a kind man and a passionate, loving member of his community.
The sad part about these comments is that they highlight exactly the kind of ideologies Albert was fighting to change. It seems that people are so quick to denounce an entire neighborhood or an entire group of people, rather than look at the systems that exist to create and perpetuate these inequalities. Albert understood this and was working to fight the systems and create real change, rather than lashing out in anger or ignorance against individuals or communities.
I am honored to have met him and worked with him as a student activist at SJSU and as a member of the San Jose community. I hope we can be inspired to carry on his work and continue the fights that are important to us.
RIP Albert. You were admired and you are remembered with love."

Thanksgiving and my 24th

2009-11-28T22:56:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

It has been wonderful hearing about everyone's Thanksgivings and seeing photos of all the gatherings. Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday, mostly because it involves two of my favorite things: food and people!

This Thanksgiving happened to coincide with my birthday, so Asher's family celebrated with me and made me the center of attention for a little bit before the meal. (Being the center of attention makes me SO uncomfortable, but they are incredible people and didn't make me feel more awkward than I usually do on my birthday.)

Asher conspired with several of my friends as well as Amy, his mom, to give me the best birthday present(s) ever! Frida Kahlo is my favorite artist, and he had everybody pitch in to get me this:

It's an oil-paint recreation of Las Dos Fridas, my favorite Frida piece.

In addition, he had each person or couple who contributed to the gift create their own, "Frida-inspired" artwork:

They are all different, beautiful, and so perfect for each of the artists :) As you can see, a couple of the pieces are still in the process of creation. I'll post updated photos when it is complete!

He rounded out the Frida theme with a book of Frida's illustrated diary, complete with translations and commentary. This is me opening the book, already overwhelmed by the amazingness of all these gifts.

After the presents, we had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with the Moody and Martinez families, complete with... OLIVE FINGERS! (In honor of my Mama... to make sure it still felt like my childhood Thanksgivings.)

We had an amazing day, and it was wonderful to see Amy's sister, Margaret, and her family. They are always a house full of fun. Margaret's cancer is in remission (hooray!) and her hair is beginning to grow back. This was my second Thanksgiving with all of them and I'm so thankful to be a part of this family.

The next day, we went out for some San Francisco adventures (carefully avoiding anywhere people go to buy stuff, yikes!).

First, we had breakfast at Tartine Bakery & Cafe, my favorite bakery in San Francisco, right by Dolores Park. Here's the crew:

It was so good to see Joe! We've hardly seen each other since he moved back to the city. We need to work on that... Also wonderful to have our friend Sam and Kevin (Asher's brother) with us.

Asher and me at Dolores Park:

After breakfast, we attempted a visit to the California Academy of Sciences. We took one look at the lines, however, and decided to spend the day wandering around San Francisco instead. We met up with Sam's friend, Allyson, and went for an adventure. We took photos on top of Twin Peaks, where we may or may not have contributed to the extinction of a rare butterfly species. Seriously, we didn't see the signs. We are WAY sorry. Won't happen again. This is us shaming Sam because she missed the sign (not sure how she landed the blame for this one):

All in all, it was a wonderful couple of days. Thank you to everyone who helped make my birthday wonderful by sending cards and facebook messages and emails. I am so thankful for my friends and family.

I'm incredibly thankful for this guy:

Love to you all,
Elaine

bumps in the road

2009-11-17T22:17:00.001-08:00

i'm feeling a little run down lately. i'm doing well at work, at school, and at other work, but i'm tired. i'm tired because, well, i have work, school, and other work. see how that is too many things? i know, mama, i know. i am predictable with the over-committing. :)

for once i have managed to avoid completely overwhelming myself. i'm handling everything and it's fine but i could definitely use a few more hours in my day. hours to get stuff done or study or sit and look at my future husband and just appreciate life.

other days, like yesterday, i want the day to end at 6pm. 6pm so i can just go home and go to bed as soon as it is dark outside. asher was having a tough day too, so we were happy to go home to santa cruz and spend a few more hours working and studying until we collapsed. we stopped at our favorite indian restaurant to pick up some food and then headed home. we were stopped at a red light when asher looked in the rear-view mirror and made a noise like, "aahhhhh...."

as in, "aahhhh... that person is NOT stopping". and then, BOOM! we got rear-ended. it was one of those confusing moments where i wasn't quite sure what had happened but i knew it was something i was not excited about.

oh wait, did i mention the truck broke down last month, so we have been driving the little tiny car?

oh wait, did i also mention that the little tiny car needed work done so we left it in asher's mom's garage and borrowed *her* little tiny car? the cute, fancy one?

yeah. we got rear-ended in asher's mom's car. :(

the woman who hit us was really nice and apologetic and had just finished working a 12 hour shift. as a doctor. at a women's health clinic in downtown santa cruz. naturally, she was adorable. we were very nice to each other and exchanged information and went on with our lives. everyone was ok except the cars but that's why we all have insurance, right?

i can't help but feel like it was a glimpse into some alternate future of myself. for so much of my life i pictured my future as her life. i wanted so much to be a doctor in a women's health clinic in a place like santa cruz. i wanted to work long days until i was exhausted because i thought it was the only way i would find peace and be fulfilled. and i think it's just beginning to dawn on me that my future might be different. i'm not sure what it will be, but it isn't narrowed down to just that option. i have so many different things i can do, so many different ways i can be myself without basing who i am on a job title.

who knows, i may still end up as an exhausted doctor in a women's health clinic. i would be honored. but at least i'll have gotten there by exploring who i am and figuring out what i really want in this world.

until then, life continues to be an adventure.

music and writing

2009-11-10T23:16:00.001-08:00

hm... writing is difficult. i seem to have forgotten how to do it. i can write you a lovely scholarly paper in APA format. that i can do. i'm even taking an incredibly tedious course to improve my ability to do just that. i know *everything* about levels of headings. just ask. (or don't). and i can cite references with the best of 'em.

writing about myself, however, is much more difficult. i'm not sure where that place is. that place where i'm not treating this blog like a therapist, or a journal, or a friend, but rather a combination of all of those things, and none of those things. a place where i write when i'm confused, or intrigued, or excited, and not just when i'm depressed.

well, it's a work in progress.

i think music will help. i had forgotten about music, for a while. it's around me. it plays in cars and supermarkets and the occasional awkward elevator. the kids at work play pop culture mash-ups at ear splitting volumes (i never thought i'd feel so OLD at 23). i stopped listening to *my* music, though. i spend most of my time on the bus, at work, or in classes. i no longer drive around singing at the top of my lungs. i left my ipod at home for months.

then pandora happened. it is waking me up again. i forget how much music connects me with my own emotions. sounds and lyrics push my emotions forward and make me deal with them. sometimes i feel a little manipulated by music, but mostly i think it's healthy. i spend too much time pushing down my emotions, even these days when i'm so much healthier and happier than i've ever been.

i love the concept of pandora. i've never been good at picking my own music. i just know there are certain sounds that speak to me. pandora helps me find more of those sounds. it's music fused with an almost scientific organization system. i love it. it intrigues me and introduces me to new music and lets me guide it in the direction i'm feeling.

so... that's the plan. listen to music. write. be a more balanced person.

wish me luck :)

on (not) blogging

2009-11-04T20:29:00.000-08:00

in case you haven't noticed, i have pretty much disappeared from the blogosphere.

life has been beautiful lately, but also difficult. i'm incredibly busy and both my jobs require a lot of online time, so i tend to neglect my personal presence on the web.

i have gotten so much better about taking time out for self-care: for my relationships, for sleep, for me. it shortens the time i have for the rest of my life, but it makes me a healthier, happier person.

that said, i really miss writing. i'm not in therapy right now and i don't think i spend enough time reflecting. i'm feeling a little disconnected from myself, and from all of you (friends and family).

so... yeah. i'm going to try to write more often. i'm not sure if anyone will read it, but i need to reconnect to myself this way, and i like looking back and having a record of my experiences.

talk to you soon, i hope.

elaine

For CHEM 120S

2009-09-08T19:03:00.000-07:00

Here is my "Practicing Chemical Safety" video for CHEM 120S.

This is a test to see if I can host the video here for the class viewing.

If you are a friend or family member... the video is pretty hilarious and you might enjoy it ;)

off to mexico

2009-08-01T22:11:00.000-07:00

I'm heading up to San Francisco tomorrow and then Cozumel, Mexico on Monday.

Chris and Jess are getting married and we are all going to spend some time on the beach. I'm so excited for both of them!

and for me :)

I'll miss Asher but it'll be a great week.

See you when I return!

32 MPG!

2009-07-30T00:32:00.000-07:00

woop woop!

we bought a little tiny adorable car from our friend cassie.

after sitting around for quite some time, and before we changed the oil, this little fellow clocked in at 32 miles per gallon! that's twice what the truck gets. (don't worry truck, we still love you).

basically, it will pay for itself in gas money in no time. plus, we don't feel as bad about the environment every time we decide to drive somewhere. hooray!

--------

i'll post a real update soon, i promise.

also

2009-05-27T16:16:00.000-07:00

I have phased out one of my anti-depressants, and I'm working on getting off the other one. It's going really well, which gives me an enormous sense of accomplishment and relief. If you have ever considered going on anti-depressants, good for you. They saved my life. If you have ever decided to get off of anti-depressants, good for you as well! It feels good to know how much work I have done to improve my life.

...and I'm thinking of growing out my hair again. Opinions?

May Updates...

2009-05-27T15:56:00.000-07:00

it is SUMMER!

i have 2 jobs:
Youth Outreach Worker at the Billy DeFrank LGBT Community Center
Student Intern at the San Jose State University Women's Resource Center
i love them both.
a lot.

i finished a semester of school without self-destructing.
i got an A in my chemistry class.
*fingers crossed* i might have a 4.0 this semester.

asher and i moved into a new apartment.
we live with crystal and her kitty, lelou.
we live 2 minutes from the beach.
we can see the beach from the patio.
i love santa cruz.

my baby brother graduated from college.
i'm so proud of him!
he's coming to visit with his awesome girlfriend.

asher moody is graduating in december.
i'm so proud of him i might explode.
i'm very much in love with him.
our relationship is better every day.

um... i think that's all for now.
i'll be spending more time in front of computers this summer.
maybe i'll update more often :)

quick update

2009-04-21T23:41:00.000-07:00

i love my job.
it's summer.
santa cruz is beautiful.
tourists are ridiculous.
i'm very much in love.
something is wrong with my social security number ?!
school is almost out.
LGBTQ leadership in tahoe this weekend!
casey moved to DC.
slowly getting off of antidepressants.
going to bed.

goodnight.

feeling nostalgic

2009-03-12T18:06:00.000-07:00

a lot of you remember my first blog from when i was in ghana. i think about ghana every single day, and it still amazes me how much those months influenced who i am and how i interact with the world. here are some of my favorite photos. the kids in my village welcomed me, laughed at me, kicked my ass at soccer, and made it impossible for me to be sad, even in the face of poverty, corruption, negativity, and my own physical illness.

life is happening!

2009-03-12T17:09:00.000-07:00

wow. there is so much going on in my life right now, and it is pretty much amazing.

since my last post, Asher Moody PROPOSED to me and we are now engaged! most of you probably know this already through the grapevine or from facebook (haha). we are incredibly happy and i'm excited to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful man. sadly this means the end for Joe and me :( but it was a wonderful marriage while it lasted, ha ha. Asher and I are aiming for the end of the summer in 2010 as a tentative date...

also since my last post, i auditioned (eek!) for a part in San Jose State University's performance of The Vagina Monologues and i got a part. i have always loved the empowerment and sense of community that comes from being involved in TVM, but this is my first time on stage and it is scary and exciting. i just created a blog for the production at http://vdaysjsu.blogspot.com/ so if you find yourself in the south bay during Easter weekend, come check out a show about vaginas! (and sexuality, and esteem, and violence against women, and abuse, and empowerment, and...) Proceeds go to local non-profit orgs working to end violence against women and girls.

tomorrow night i will attend Berkeley's Vagina Monologues for the 3rd time and i'm stoked! i'll get to see my buddies and also watch the performance more critically this time to get ideas for our own performance.

i've also been on 3 panels in the last few days: 2 for human sexuality classes and one Transgender Health Care presentation (with Asher as his partner/fiancee) for the counseling center staff and medical staff at SJSU's student health center. Asher's amazing MD came to train our staff on culturally competent trans care and it is *so exciting* to see things beginning to happen at SJSU. on a personal note, the more panels i do the more confident i am in my ability to speak eloquently, informatively, and compassionately as a member of and leader in the queer community. (not on behalf of the community though, which is a very important distinction for me). i still get all sweaty and nervous though... which is gross and annoying.

other than that... i love santa cruz and the bay area more with each day and i'm looking forward to spending most of my life here. on the flip side of that, i'm missing utah and family and we are thinking of returning to SLC after we graduate for my masters program... we'll see. it's something i'd really like to do. that's in the future though because with all the moving and shaking i'm scheduled to graduate spring of 2011. you know, if i don't switch schools again. (ha yeah right).

missing all of you who are spread across the globe,
~elaine

25 random things

2009-02-19T17:11:00.000-08:00

I don't know how many of you have facebook. If you do, you've probably seen the 25 random things meme going around. I haven't updated in a while and I thought it would be good to post my 25 things here on the blog.

*WARNING* There is talk of sex and nudity. It is scandalous. You should avert your eyes if that sort of thing offends you. *WARNING*

25 random things…

1. I have attended five schools for my undergraduate degree. I think I will stop at five, if only to avoid having to track down yet another transcript for applications.

2. When I was a little girl, I used to daydream that my superpower was the ability to speak every language known to humanity. I wanted to travel the world and talk to everyone. I still do.

3. People make my world go ‘round. I have been lucky to have so many amazing people in my life. I get incredibly excited about getting to know my friends.

4. I had six adult teeth removed *before* getting my wisdom teeth out. They said they were making room for my wisdom teeth. They were lying.

5. I can’t burp out loud. I have tried for over a decade and I still can’t get much more than a whisper. I live vicariously though and get really excited when other people belch.

6. Although some men have mistreated me in my lifetime, my father and stepfather are such wonderful human beings that I still feel very safe with men.

7. I love chemistry. It is no longer my major or career interest, but I can get lost in it and am constantly amazed by the way chemistry can explain the world around me.

8. I have four tattoos. I have about four more tattoo ideas in my head, but not enough money to implement these ideas.

9. I want to study the intersections of race, class, gender, sexuality, and ability and how they relate to public health. Then I want to change those dynamics. That should be simple enough, right?

10. I like to talk about sex. I like to talk about sex in silly ways, in serious ways, in scientific ways, in theoretical ways, in subversive ways, in educational ways, in kinky ways, and pretty much any other way you can think of.

11. I also like having sex. In all of those ways.

12. I have struggled with depression for most of my adult life. It is prevalent in my family and in my friends and in my own life. While I would never wish depression on anyone, battling it has taught me more about myself than I ever would have known. It also forces me to take care of myself.

13. I want to save the world, but I need to do it on 8 hours of sleep.

14. I identify as a lesbian, but many of my lovers have been male, and my current partner (and love of my life) identifies as male. My sexual identity does not invalidate the relationships I have had. I believe there is a difference between sexual identity, sexual orientation, and sexual experience. I also believe every person should be able to live their lives in a way that gives them happiness and fulfillment. I believe each person has the right to live free of other peoples’ judgments and labels.

15. Asher Moody is my best friend, my boyfriend, my lover, and my partner. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I never thought I would feel this way about someone, and I am quite pleasantly surprised. I am excited to marry him (in whatever way is legally possible) and have a family with him.

16. I love to watch House MD. This may or may not have anything to do with the fact that deep down, I will always want to be a surgeon.

17. When I was 18 I went to Ghana, West Africa by myself to live in a remote fishing village and volunteer in a government hospital. In some ways it was the most wonderful two months of my life. It helped to stir up my interest in community health as a field of study and as a way to make change.

18. On this same adventure, I got horribly ill, was hospitalized, threw up every day for almost two months, and lost a significant amount of weight that I didn’t have room to lose in the first place. I still loved it there and didn’t want to leave. This taught me a lot about myself.

19. I love my body. Don’t get me wrong, I could still list a bunch of details I dislike, but I have worked hard to get to a place where I love myself for myself. It makes life (and sex) a lot more fulfilling.

20. As part of that process, I forced myself to stretch my boundaries. I have posed nude for a few different photographers. I have also fundraised topless on Berkeley campus. I have forced myself not to judge my body when other people see me naked. During all of these experiences I was scared, vulnerable, and self-conscious, but I came out of them with more confidence in and respect for my body. This has been a very liberating process for me.

21. I grew up in the mountains. I am not a religious person, but the wilderness has always made me feel spiritual. Wind and sun and mountains and water make me aware that I have a soul.

22. The people I have dated have been funny, sexy, kind, compassionate, interesting, diverse, and loving. Each of my ex’s has changed me and helped make me a better person. I love each of them in various ways and I will for the rest of my life.

23. I work hard to be an ally for the causes or struggles that affect everyone’s lives. This is a difficult process that involves checking my own prejudices and privileges. It is also a source of great joy in my life and is part of what makes me who I am.

24. I get very sad about things. I think this is part of what makes me open to so many people and experiences. When people are abused, or suffer, or are oppressed, or live their lives in a body that is wrong for them, or so many other things: I ache for them. I wish I could make this world a better place to be in.

25. I would like to learn as much as I can about as many people as possible. To this end, write up a 25 things list. Or email me. Or go out for coffee with me. It makes my life meaningful.

stuff i'm excited about

2008-12-28T15:06:00.000-08:00

all kinds of shenanigans going on as we head into the new year...

1. 1/3-1/11 Road-tripping to Seattle, WA
We're going to pile into Crystal's car and head up to Seattle to visit the lovely Cecilia. (At least I assume she's lovely, we've never actually met in person). I do not envy them their long-distance relationship but I'm glad they'll get to see each other. Asher and I are excited to meet Cecilia and then go exploring in Seattle.

2. 1/12-1/20 Visiting Utah
Asher and I are flying out to visit the fam, see a couple of film festival screenings, and hopefully get a chance to chill out before we go back to school. Let me know if you'll be around SLC or Sundance during that week and we'll try to organize a meet-up.

3. 1/22 Going back to school!
I'm starting school at San Jose State University this semester. I'm really antsy and excited to go back to school. I think I'm in a much healthier place than I have been before, so hopefully the nerd in me can come out and play. The terrified self-critical perfectionist in me should remain in exile... we'll see. It will be fun to go to school with Asher instead of being in a relationship where only one person is in school, which is mostly what I've done in my life so far.

4. 1/23 Starting Rainbow Connections mentor training
Asher and I have both been selected to be part of a group of peer mentors. This is the first year of the program at SJSU. A group of 10 mentors will receive comprehensive training this spring semester and then begin to mentor incoming LGBTIQA students in the fall. We're training on all kinds of topics from internalized oppression and dealing with homophobia to general student skills like time and money management. I'm so excited to be a part of this program and learn these skills. It will also be a great way to connect with people on a campus that is mostly for commuter students. I think all campuses could use something like this program and it's amazing that Angela and Bonnie are putting it together.

5. 20Somethings at the Billy DeFrank Center
I hope to continue facilitating for the 20 Somethings Women and Trans group in San Jose. It was hard to keep everything going over the holidays, but there is a pretty solid group of queer women and transgender folks who show up from week to week. I have so much fun at the meetings hanging out and getting to know people. I hope we can get it up and going strong for 2009.

...that's all for now i think. it's been fun to get emails from people i haven't talked to in a long time and update my address book. thanks for saying hi!

learning to blog all over again

2008-12-26T14:32:00.000-08:00

time to practice uploading photos, because i'll probably be doing a fair amount of photo-posting.

Merry Christmas (or Happy Holidays) from Asher and Elaine!

an update

2008-12-26T13:54:00.000-08:00

i looked back and the last time i posted in a blog was christmas 2005. i won't be giving a detailed description of the last three years, but i'll just write about where i am now and what i've been up to in general.

most of you know that i transferred to UC Berkeley in fall 2006 and moved to berkeley in january 2007. not all of you know that i left berkeley this past spring and will not be finishing my degree there.

i transferred to UCB as a biochemistry major and a premed student. i had wonderful professors and amazing friends and i still love berkeley campus and berkeley city. while i was there, i discovered my passion for public health and access to healthcare for socioeconomically disadvantaged populations. i volunteered like a crazy person, filling all my spare time with groups and activism and panels and and and... i fell in love with berkeley and non-profits and an activist lifestyle.

in the midst of all these discoveries, i began to get overwhelmed and miss more and more classes. then i started missing groups. then i stopped getting out of bed or eating or really doing anything that mattered. finally, i went to the health center and started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with clinical depression. not shocking now considering our family history, but it seemed to come out of nowhere.

2+ years (and a lot of therapy and support and hard work) later i'm getting myself and my life back to where i want to be. depression is something i never understood until it crashed into my life and took away all the things i cared about. it's not something i would wish on anyone, but in fighting my own depression i have grown and learned things about myself i would otherwise have missed. i have adjusted my priorities and learned to take care of myself and the people i love. i have discovered that even though i struggle a little (or a lot) every day, i can still live my life and fall in love and do meaningful things. i can still love myself.

i may have learned a lot of things the hard way, but i'm so glad i learned them.

that's sort of the general update. more specific updates to come. i recently moved from san jose to santa cruz and i'll be going back to school in january at san jose state university. i'll be finishing my biochemistry degree and getting a minor in public health. after that... we'll see!

i'm very much in love with my amazing partner, Asher. i'm happy with him in a way i never thought possible. and our relationship is healthy. how kick-ass is that? if you've seen us together you probably want to hug us. or punch us. or throw up. regardless, i'm so grateful to have him in my life.

i spent this christmas with Asher's family and i'm happy to be a part of their lives and to have the Moody family in my life. also, i may have to kidnap our nephew, Shaun. he's just that cute. i'll post photos. you'll understand.

love to everyone this holiday. thank you for being in my life.

blog envy

2008-12-26T13:30:00.000-08:00

hello all!

i was reading holiday blog updates and i realized i missed having a blog. call it blog envy, but i've decided to start a new one. maybe it will encourage me to take more photos and keep track of my life. or not. we'll see when i start to post.

happy holidays everyone. i hope everyone is home and safe and not stranded in an airport somewhere. congratulations to my family for finally making it home to utah.

love,
elaine